I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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