my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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