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he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
