i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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