How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
