life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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