I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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