And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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