so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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