I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
