The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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