if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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