i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
