I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
