i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
