Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
