Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
