part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
