New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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