I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
