mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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