so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
