fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
