i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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