Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
