Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
