Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
