I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
