During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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