So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
