You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She bit a glass in half.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
how does that bad decision feel?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
