she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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