dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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