Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
my liver is dry heaving
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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