you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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