At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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