so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
