yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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