just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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