i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm getting married
To pizza
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
