Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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