Sponge bath it is.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
