Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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