OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
