I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We named our party play list daddy issues
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
