I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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