i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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