ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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