i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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