Porn is love you can see.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
