No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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